What 2018 Taught me.
Hey! So, this is my first blog of 2019 and hopefully it’s going to be the first of many. Well, that’s my new year’s resolution anyway… So, instead of the usual “New Year, new me” blogs. I thought I’d try a different approach. I am going to teach you about the lessons that I have learnt in 2018 and how drastically they have changed my life. 2018 was the highest, most twisted roller-coaster year in recent memory, but I survived. It was a process, and in that journey, I learnt a hell of a lot about the person that I have become today. Do you know what? I like me. This person that has fought back against negativity, depression, heartache, loss, grief and looked death right in the face. I like this me. The softer, kinder more relaxed me. This happy, loving life me. The girl that had been hidden for many years masked in all the trauma and health problems. She finally has broken through those waves, and has come crashing down on her problems. Enough is enough, she has won.
2018 started off as a pretty good year. 2018 was going to be “my year”. Standard! I completed the body coach and was hoping to turn my health around. Drastically my life took a very unsettling change of direction and in amongst the chaos, I broke. I was hurt, betrayed, lied to, ignored and left out. A mixture of different people all contributed to my downfall, but that downfall was definitely my break through. It wasn't one situation that lead me there, it was a number of different situations, mentally and physically, that pushed me to that corner. Luckily enough, I was able to fight the darkness and work my way out of the depression. Now I am fitter, healthier, and stronger than ever. 2018 wasn't only mentally tough for me but it took a massive toll on my body. The stress contributed to my graves disease spiralling out of control. In turn, that had a knock-on effect on the rest of my body. I got infection after infection, and spent the best part of the year having blood tests and being administered antibiotics. I had to stop my fitness plan due to not having the energy as my body was fighting very hard against itself. I was in a terrible place. I had the most amazing people step up when I really needed them the most. They really are the best people. They listened when all I wanted to do was cry. They checked up on me every day. They took me out. Let me turn up uninvited. They answered the phone at ungodly hours. They were amazing! I’m very lucky to have them in my life. This leads me on to my first lesson:
Lesson 1 - To realise how lucky you really are.
We don't need to win a poker game, pull a winning hand at black jack, pick the winning horse in the race, or even find a four-leaf clover to realise how lucky we really are. Have you ever heard of the saying we create our own luck? I have arguments for and against that quote and what “luck” really is but right now I’m using it as a positive to help keep me on the right track. We're already surrounded by our own “luck”. You just need to open your eyes to see it. Did you wake up today? Did you have a job to go to? Are you physically healthy enough to work? Did you eat today? I could go on and on. But these are all examples of how luck is affecting our everyday lives and yet some of you don't even know it. It consumes us but it’s how we perceive it that makes us lucky. Do you help yourself to get fitter or healthier? Do you work hard towards your goals? Do you read and learn more about your craft? Luck is what we make it and how we choose to live our lives. I am so lucky. I’m choosing to be lucky, to encourage happiness, health and for all good things to come my way. After all, I do deserve it.
Lesson 2 - You can only make yourself happy.
Only you can make yourself happy, the classic cliché but one of the most truthful ones out there. I spent the best part of the year working on me, working on finding out who I was, what I wanted and what my dreams and aspirations were. For so long I have lived my life day by day whilst getting by with this hidden depression. I had lost myself. Who was I? What did I want? Now the cloud has been lifted I can finally see clearly for the first time in years. I knew what I wanted and I knew I wanted to be happy but I didn't want my happiness to be reliant on other people, friends or family. It had to come from me. I changed my lifestyle of healthy eating. I completed the body coach 90-day challenge. I took time away from YouTube and blogging. I took time out from work. I stopped putting pressure on myself. I lightened up. I saw friends more. I surrounded myself with good people. I cut all the negativity out of my life. I only entertained good vibes. Anything negative I just let slip by. There was no point getting angry or upset about things that were out of my control. I control my happiness and it’s not down to others to. You may not be able to control the feelings of others, but you can definitely control how you react to theirs.
Lesson 3 – It’s not your problem, it’s theirs.
Other people will take out their issues and their problems out on you. But their problem isn't really with you, it’s with themselves. They find it easier to take it out on you than control their own happiness. It’s their own internal struggles with reality rather than having anything to do with you. Don't even waste energy worrying about it. I used to get really anxious and spend hours pondering over how I might have upset someone, and work myself up into a right state. People that really care don't leave you feeling so stressed or anxious. That’s just not what good people do. Just because they have their own issues or insecurities, it should never lie on you. They do this as a means of control and I will not humour it in my bubble.
Lesson 4 - Let go.
Let it go... and know, I’m not talking about Frozen here... Don’t hold on to the past. Let it go. Move on. I’m not saying get over it, I’m just saying learn to deal with whatever the situation is. Make peace with it. Take what you have learnt and live a better and happier life knowing that you have more awareness on how to deal with the issues should they arise again. Let go of the past, the negative energy, the bad vibes. Let them leave. Don't hold a grudge or even entertain an argument. Who has got time for that in 2019? Letting go can sometimes be the hardest thing to do, but it really is the smartest move you can make. Why hold on to whatever it was that upset you, humiliated you or traumatised you? Let it go. Shut that door on the past whether it was years or minutes ago. Don't hold on to it. By holding on to the past you have no room for new dreams, questions or feelings to enter your world. Take what you have learnt and live a better and happier life knowing that you know how to deal with the issues should they arise again. There is a very big world out there. Make room to explore it, shut that book, close that chapter and open that door to a world of possibility.
Lesson 5 – It’s ok not to be ok.
So, I started the year in a positive state of mind then very quickly it deteriorated. I was anxious and started to stress out due to bad relationships around me. I did hit rock bottom and I sought help. I was desperate and it was ok to ask for help. I attended group therapy where there were other people like me who wanted help to feel better. I was not alone. I also saw a personal therapist for one-on-one therapy. I took all the help I was offered. I was not ok. But that was ok. As I looked around my therapy group there were more men aged 30-60 and only a few women 25-35. It happens to the best of us high fliers, housewives and little ole me. There is no age limit, no chosen gender. We all experience it for many different reasons. I never realised how much support there is out there, but I was so determined to get all the help I could. I personally now understand why most people in America see a therapist. It really is a life changer. Lesson 6 – Trust.
I only had time to entertain those could bring positivity to the table. Those people who were amazing in my darkest hour. Those friends who supported me, encouraged me and brought so much support and joy to my life. I really felt so loved and my friends old and new became my family. I feel so much closer to them than I ever have. I really worked hard on building these inspiring relationships and will continue to build and love throughout my life. Friends do change but very few will remain like family. I really feel blessed and lucky to have these people in my life. I decluttered. I created my own toxicology report and cut out all those toxins from my life. Only happiness, love and support remains flowing freely.
This one simple change of decluttering the past and letting go of all the negativity is one of the best lessons I have learnt.
Do I feel sad about it? Yes. Do I miss it? NO.
Trust and have faith in this process.
Written with Love